this is where I'll dump my thoughts, usually late at night (hence the midnight in the name) and boy do I have lots of them to unpack hahha

this isn't exactly supposed to be public (hence the caecity, or blindness, in the name) but if you ARE reading this then
uh hi
I either sent you this or you somehow found it through Neocities which is probably not good but whatever

I should probably actually introduce myself

who am I in general

(today is 2020, August 26)

so yeah
I kinda wanna distance myself from the name I usually use online, because it's indirectly based on a real person, but most everyone knows me by it
I won't mention it here though since I'd rather people don't just find this site by Googling my name
tbh I don't really need a name here, since I'm talking in the first person

aaaanyway I'm 16 years old, soon 17, I live in ~The Middle East~ (intentionally ambiguous), and I am (probably, I'll get to it) a closeted trans girl
I live with my mother and my dog in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, and though I never had any material lacks, we are technically lower middle class

I have a let's say keen interest in linguistics, and especially historical linguistics
aside from my native language and English, I can only really say I know the constructed language Toki Pona
you could argue that doesn't really count since it has 120 words and was explicitly designed to be minimalistic and you're probably right
other than that all I know is various fragments, from spikes of interest I have in some language for about a month or so and then give up on - Finnish, Russian, Lojban, Latin, some further in the past
my current language of interest, and the longest running overall (not continuously though) is Japanese, and not just because I want to understand anime and manga - I also like the way its verbs behave, and I'm currently slogging through Remembering The Kanji

I'm part of basically every cringy fandom in existence, and I've learned to accept that

I like drawing digital art, but recently I can't bring myself to do it
I wouldn't say it's good, exactly, but I might share some of my new stuff here (the older stuff I've already shared so I'm kinda hesitant about it because reverse image search and stuff y'know) (wow I'm still talking as if there is an audience yet I explicitly hid this website as well as I could)

aaaaaaand onto the more mental health-y section

I spend a frightening amount of time in front of various digital screens, partly due to my crippling social anxiety
after all why talk to people during breaks when I can just be on my phone?
I do have some irl friends don't get me wrong, but I mostly talk to people online
maybe I'll describe my friends later
(I recently started the military conscription process (kinda narrows down where I live but whatever) and one part was the interview to determine... something, I'm not sure
either way the interviewer asked me a LOT of questions about my social life (or lack thereof :/) and about a week ago they sent me another request to check my fitness for service, not a thing they send everyone, so that's a tad worrying)